Nearly 40% of Divorces Now Happen After 50. Maybe It’s Time We Talk About Sex.

There was a time when making it to your silver anniversary meant you were probably in the clear.

The kids were grown. The mortgage was nearly paid off. You’d survived the sleepless nights, career changes, and arguments about how to load the dishwasher.

Surely the hard part was over.

The data suggests otherwise.

In 1990, just 8% of Americans getting divorced were over 50. Today, that figure is nearly 40%.

That’s a fivefold increase in the share of divorces involving older Americans.

Researchers call it gray divorce.

We have a theory. And it starts with making intimacy a priority.

The sex part matters. Quite a lot, actually.

According to Bowling Green State University, the median marriage ending in a first gray divorce lasted 29 years.

Nearly three decades of building a life together. And then, for whatever reason, it’s over.

There are plenty of explanations. We’re living longer. Divorce carries less stigma. And once the kids leave home, some couples discover they’ve spent years being excellent co-parents and very little time being husband and wife.

But there’s another part of marriage that deserves some attention.

The part that happens in the bedroom.

In a study reported in Secrets of Sex & Marriage, researchers found that 73% of couples struggled to communicate openly about sex.

Among couples who communicated well about sex, 89% reported the highest levels of marital happiness, compared with 62% among those who avoided the subject.

And a longitudinal study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that sexual satisfaction and marital satisfaction predicted improvements in one another over time.

In other words, better sex and happier marriages appear to go hand in hand.

Correlation isn’t causation, of course. But it’s a pretty compelling argument for investing a little more in your intimate life.

Your marriage deserves some TLC.

We exercise for our health. Invest for retirement. Maintain our homes. Service our cars.

But our marriages? Those are somehow supposed to take care of themselves. Perhaps it’s time we invested in our intimate lives, too.

We expect desire to survive demanding careers, raising children, aging bodies, and changing hormones. And when intimacy becomes less frequent or less satisfying, we assume that’s simply what happens after a few decades together.

Maybe it doesn’t have to be.

A fulfilling sex life at 55 may look different from one at 25. But different doesn’t have to mean worse.

More conversations about what feels good. More affection. More willingness to try something new.

And, yes, sometimes more sex.

Because after 20 or 30 years together, there should still be plenty left to discover about the person sleeping next to you.

We have a theory.

We can’t prove that more intimacy will save your marriage.

But we do know that sexual satisfaction and relationship satisfaction are closely connected. And couples who communicate openly about sex report happier marriages.

So here’s our proposal.

Give your intimate life the same attention you give your health, career, and retirement accounts.

More intimacy might help.

Can’t prove it’ll save your marriage.

But we’re willing to bet it’s worth a try.

A little more intimacy. A lot more connection.

At Astoria, we look to one brand for our intimacy essentials: Tabu.

Based in Santa Barbara and loved by over 100,000 couples, Tabu makes thoughtfully designed tools to help couples prioritize intimacy and rediscover connection.

Here are our team’s favorites:

Sources: Bowling Green State University, National Center for Family & Marriage Research; Shaunti Feldhahn and Dr. Michael Sytsma, Secrets of Sex & Marriage; Journal of Family Psychology.